Truth

I have never cried even a bit when I was with you, Afif. Until today when you just had to turn haywire and all the relationship status changes, I wasn't strong enough to hold my tears. It's little things like this that got me so caught up. These little things about you that I don't know what Im so worried about. I have never been so frank in my blog post but Afif, I care so much for you. Up till now, you're really someone I thought I should be with and someone who could take care of each other like a family. In my life, I have never been so rebellious towards my parents. I am not blaming you for anything but look, just look at how much I want to be with you rather than anyone else. Even so, you still don't see it. You'll never see it. I love you. I know you or none of my friends would ever read this blog ever again because of it's too boring appearance but really I wish you'd figure it out somehow. Figure how much I don't want to lose you. People would think, ah Amanda's strong enough if she'd go through the same old thing all over again, the "guys leaving Amanda". I am not strong like how I would appear to be but if it really happens, I can accept the fact that I am not any girlfriend material. I suck. I've been through that. If Afif, is just going to be another person leaving my life because of my "annoying attitude" then I have nothing to say. All I could think of is, Im jinx and I don't deserve all the good guys in the world. I don't know how long I would get over this but... I love you, Afif. Not Afifer, not Abeet no no not even Apip but Afif and only Afif. There is no way though to force or fake someone's feelings. I'd just hope he'd still feel the same way Im feeling. Whatever happens, happens. Im still going to die alone anyway. Life - face it.